Written 1 December 2001


FROM: Fussel J. Redacted, Head of Customer Service
TO: All X Industry customer service drones

We have had some complaints recently regarding customer support, so I just wanted to quickly go over a few of the customer support policies that we've implemented. Some of these have changed recently, so if you have any questions about any of this, please report to Ward J for reeducation.

  1. Phones should be answered only after a prime number of rings, except on Tuesdays when perfect numbers are also allowed.
  2. If a customer seems to be upset, be sure to double-check their coordinates before launching your anvil. There have been some mistakes in this area recently, with the result that our record of 100% customer satisfaction has been jeapordized.
  3. Any customers referred to you by the sales department should be shaved from the nape of the neck down, not the opposite direction. I can't emphasize this enough.
  4. Where possible, avoid the use of the following terms when communicating with customers:
    • Bug
    • Mistake
    • Customer
    • Meltdown
    • Kitten
    • Contaminant
    • Twelve
    • Monster
    • Refund

I know you all agree with me that X Industries' mission is absolutely vital--the recent mind probes have confirmed this--so please don't endanger it, and yourselves, through sloppy work.

Finally, those of you who are of Code Teal or lower security clearance should now report to Biochemical Division W for genetic recycling.

This was something random written by Jacob Haller. To see another random thing, click here. To get a permanent link to this particular random thing, click here.



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