Written 1 December 2001
FROM: Fussel J. Redacted, Head of Customer Service
TO: All X Industry customer service drones
We have had some complaints recently regarding customer support, so I
just wanted to quickly go over a few of the customer support policies
that we've implemented. Some of these have changed recently, so if you
have any questions about any of this, please report to Ward J for
- Phones should be answered only after a prime number of rings, except
on Tuesdays when perfect numbers are also allowed.
- If a customer seems to be upset, be sure to double-check their
coordinates before launching your anvil. There have been some mistakes
in this area recently, with the result that our record of 100% customer
satisfaction has been jeapordized.
- Any customers referred to you by the sales department should be
shaved from the nape of the neck down, not the opposite direction. I
can't emphasize this enough.
- Where possible, avoid the use of the following terms when
communicating with customers:
I know you all agree with me that X Industries' mission is absolutely
vital--the recent mind probes have confirmed this--so please don't
endanger it, and yourselves, through sloppy work.
Finally, those of you who are of Code Teal or lower security clearance
should now report to Biochemical Division W for genetic recycling.
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