Professors as Tech Support: A Random Jacob Haller Thing

Professors as Tech Support

Written 8 June 1996

So I'm working the Calculus-support phone line, and someone calls in.

*RING RING*

Me: "Calculus consulting, can I help you?"

Student: "Hi, I have this curve, and I want to find the area under it, but it's not working!"

Me: "What happens when you try?"

Student: "It's just not working!"

Me: <sigh> "OK, let's start from the beginning. What happens when you try to integrate the curve?"

Student: "Integrate? I don't know. Integrate?"

Me: "Have you read the textbook, sir?"

Student: "No. All I want to do is find the area under the curve!"

Me: "The information on how to do that should be in your textbook. Why don't you try reading it and call me back if you still can't figure it out."

Student: "But I lost my textbook!"

Me: <groan> "OK, well, you should really try and get another copy; there's only so much I can do over the phone. But I'll see what I can do. What's the equation of your curve?"

Student: "What's an equation?"

Me: "Well, in this case, it's a symbolic representation of the curve, usually using a cartesian system with x representing the distance along the horizontal axis and y the distance along the vertical. Sir, have you taken algebra?"

Student: "Algebra? No. What's that?"

Me: "Well I'm sorry, sir, but you really can't use calculus unless you already have algebra."

Student: "But all I want to do is [etc.]"

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