The Ascot, Pipe, and Smoking Jacket Song
|Hear a demo version of the song:
I've got ten racehorses.
They're as fast as they can be.
Whenever I walk into a club
I get all of my drinks for free.
I'm popular with all of the debutantes.
It's because of my new sports car.
At golf I've got a 'plus' handicap,
'Cause I'm always under par.
I have a smoking jacket.
I smoke a pipe 'most every day.
If you come to my club without an ascot,
Well, they'll turn you right away.
Everybody important, they know my name—
I'm the legend of the upper crust.
The greatest sculptors in the world
keep asking to sculpt my bust.
My cousin's ex's uncle's friend
Recently married a Kennedy.
My freshman year biology professor
named a species of fern after me.
I'm on a first-name basis with the president.
To tell the truth, he's a bit of a bore.
So I'm sorry I didn't make a reservation,
But can't you please find a table for four?
Oh please, can't you find in this restaurant a table for four?
Table for four?